Hello! My name is Shana. I've posted here before, but it was a fair while back (3 months), and my journal underwent some changes in that time period. But now I've migrated to dreamwidth for good (from lj, yeah), and it's back in full force. So. I'd like to get to know some more people around here. Preferably people who actually keep journals, not just to-do lists or mundane & casual details "journals," or impersonal blogs. Because, although I engage in the mundane and casual too, as well as more "bloggish" entries and posting of writing... mostly my journal is intense, fiery and rampant with emotion. And
very personal. It's also a kind of autobiography project, continually updated with stuff from the past, fictional writing and poetry, emails/letters, etc. And I'd really like to get to know people who are interested in that kind of groundbreaking personal soulsearching and intensity. It helps to build trust too, for that matter!
I'm nineteen in a week, and I am (about to be) a sophomore at a women's college in New England (US). Classes start on my birthday, heh. I can't wait to get back. I identify as a cisgendered girl/woman, queer/pansexual (sometimes more lesbian), pro-sex, pro-choice, a PoC (person of color), multiracial/mixed-ethnicity, (South Asian) Indian, American, multicultural, international but US citizen, rather rootless, atheist and unspiritual, varying degrees of middle-class (somewhat upper in India, lower in US?), a feminist and womanist, mentally "problematic" according to the psych conformists, a suicide survivor, very anxious, anti-capitalism, anti-determinism, NOT liberal democrat republican or any western major political party affiliated, quite extroverted, a rambler, stubborn, somewhat social though not good in groups, somewhat dis/abled (hearing impaired/hearing-aid-wearing, and my left hand is deformed), straight-edge, not vegan or vegetarian, a "standard" range weighted person, anti-"thinspiration" and other proanorexia type shit, pro-health at every size, anti-military, anti-weapon proliferation, anti-hunting (especially for "sport"), a cyber/netizen ... I'm running out of terms here. Also I think I went from identification to declaring my opinions thus far. Oh well. I'm not really always decided, but I do know how to take a stand. I'm not the best at arguments and discussions, but I keep trying. I hope I'm getting better. I definitely think it's important to have .. conversations.. about difference, to spread awareness, to acknowledge inequalities, etc.
I write a lot, usually more in my journal, though I spout out poems and bits of stories once in a while too. I used to be more creative earlier; I find it a lot harder now. I procrastinate a lot too, so.. I don't read as much as I should, and I often skip/skim a lot, a terrible habit I've had since forever and haven't been able to shake off. I'm not into fandom (whether it's anime/manga or tv show/movie/book related), but I admit to reading smut once in a while.
Sometimes! Terrible, considering my issues regarding pornography. Well, I don't know. And sometimes other fanfiction, but hardly ever. I'm also not into gaming. I often get irritated with fandom and gaming, but I try to be fairly considerate. I think. A lot of my online friends are really into that sort of thing, and it's okay. But it's true; I do long to find more people who
aren't into it
so much, often/sometimes.
I'm an artist, but I do art sporadically, even more sporadically than I write, and I haven't done much in over a year. I have done quite a lot of intense artwork in the past, though, I hope to do more in the future. I'm not musical -- I like listening to music a
lot, but the only musical experience I've really had was taking three years of singing lessons with playing on the harmonium when I was ten to thirteen. And I didn't practice enough. I tend to be rather tuneless, or in any case very bad at catching tunes. I think this probably has something to do with my hearing loss. Too. I'm also terrible that way when it comes to dancing, though. Terrible, worst, often, at getting in sync with others. I want to dance more on my own, though, at least, but I'm lazy (never get enough exercise) and I never get around to it. That's another thing. I've always sucked at sports, and I loathe them. If I have to choose, I'll do with something more individual, like jogging/running/fast walking or biking or swimming. I tried ice skating once; it might be good to try it again. But I'm really not athletic, bodily flexible or sporty. At all. I'm also
really not into spiritual/meditation-like sports, like yoga. Tried it a few times, was forced to, rather, and I
just don't get it. My counsellor at school doesn't either; really quite a miracle, seems like those psych people usually love the stuff...
I don't believe in providing lists of favorites in these sort of add-me-please! entries, and when I'm reading I skim over those (and often don't care for the people who only provide such things..), but I do make lists a lot, and in the past I used to do the whole lists of favorites thing in every introduction entry, so
here it is. For reference! I update it once in a while. hah, I know I'm such a hypocrite. Will you forgive me?
You can also check out my
profile for more links and info on interests and such.
Oh, as for the whole multiracial/multicultural thing: I grew up mostly in India, but I've moved back and forth between the US and India a fair amount, especially in the past four or five years. My mother is white/Caucasian and American, though she's lived and worked almost exclusively in India for the past 25 odd years, and continues to do so. Her family's scattered about the US, though, and we've visited. My father is Indian (half Bengali and half Punjabi), and his immediate family lives in Kolkata (earlier known as Calcutta), where he grew up. I was born in India, and I've grown up speaking English as my first language. I moved back and forth a lot between the US and India in the first four years of my life, too. I am not fluent in any Indian languages, though I studied Hindi for nine years in school. I can read and write and understand a fair amount of it, but it's faded and keeps fading a lot. I've been living in the US more permanently since I started college last year.
This is getting long, but I'll warn you: my entries are very often much, much longer! So if you can't put up with
this, you probably won't like subscribing to my journal. Also, I'd really appreciate it if you could tell me how old you are and what your sex and gender are (cis, trans, male, female, genderqueer, intersex..), should you wish to friend me.
I'd very much love to know you.